I wasn’t exhausted.
I wasn’t falling apart.
Life wasn’t crumbling around me. I had done that journey. And thought I had learn how to care for myself.
But I wasn’t feeling excited about life or what I was building. And this is supposed to be me following my soul.
I realised I had been shaping my life around old ideals — old accepted versions of life, old versions of me, old stories I didn’t even realised I had agreed to.
None of them were harmful. But my soul was ready to share her truth.
She was no longer willing to accept this.
I thought I mattered — and I did — but when I looked closer, I noticed something quietly telling:
My own desires were the first things I moved, postponed, reshuffled or sacrificed to make everything else fit.
They were… negotiable.
And that truth landed hard.
Because the things that matter to my soul shouldn’t be negotiable.
They shouldn’t rely on other people’s schedules, moods, needs, or the invisible permission slip I’d been waiting for. This was no one else’s decision or choice. I realise I just kept choosing what I thought was easiest.
It was as I sat at my computer to begin work and I felt this deep desire to move. As I got up and started moving. This emotion came from deep within. I was limiting myself and what I could do.
And I had to make a new decision:
My desires had to be non-negotiables.
Not as an act of rebellion —
but as an act of deep need.
And I realised I had to commit to me.
✨ I started enjoying my morning stretches again, instead of skipping them “if I had time.”
✨ I made calling my family part of my rhythm, not something I did when I made time.
✨ I chose to go to university — something that felt deeply mine, a long-held desire I finally allowed to matter.
✨ I cooked foods I love, not just what was quick, convenient, or expected.
✨ Even writing this blog! It was time to make time for these ideas I had.
None of this required a dramatic life overhaul.
It required a simple truth:
I am the person who has to commit to my needs.
Not halfway.
Not “when it fits.”
Not “if no one else needs me.”
Fully.
Deliberately.
With love.
I’m not exactly sure where this journey takes me. But I feel like I am learning who I am from a deep core truth. I am actually really excited and ready to see who I am … the one that I have postponed for too long.